[WARNING: SELF-INDULGENT NAVEL-GAZING ABOUNDS IN THE FOLLOWING POST. ONLY PROCEED IF MASTURBATORY SELF-EXAMINATION IS YOUR THING.]
This post is so title because I couldn't figure out how to spell "blahdy (blahty? blawhtty? bleauoeajkdlshtadfteatttttyyyyyyy?) blah." Just for the record.
My writing schedule got all jacked up this weekend, and I didn't actually get anything done. Which is disappointing. I was hoping to start building my streak up again, but I didn't.
The story, when I work on it, seems to be going well. I've attempted to write novels in the past, so this isn't my first attempt. Each time was slightly different. The first fizzled out when I ran out of things to write about (it was an extremely derivative fantasy anyway, so no loss) because I was pantsing. The next novel I attempted twice, both times fizzling out in the planning stages.
This time, I started out wanting to create a list of scene for an outline of sorts. But, as I wrote, I started out doing stream of thought, thinking through what I wanted each scene to accomplish and what I thought might work for what happened. And it evolved into a sort of scene by scene Wikipedia style summary of the novel that I'm making up as I go along. It's weird. Like, a very in depth outline.
Anyway, so, assuming that I continue with this like I have been, that means that when I start drafting, the actual events should be relatively easy to work out, and I can just focus on the writing. It should produce a faster draft at least.
Total days writing, 14. Total streak: none.
I ran yesterday for, like, 5 or 10 minutes. I started out just bouncing around, playing, and then I realized, Hey, I could keep going like this. So, I just...did. And after running for about 5 or 10 minutes, I decided to stop and continue getting ready to go out to eat. But that made me realize that I could totally get back into shape if I'd just actually get off my lazy ass and do something.
This year, so far, has resulted in a lot of navel gazing for me. A lot of thinking about who I am and asking if I'm happy with it, and if not, how can I work to change? or what things do I even need to work on?
Some things? Being more positive. Trying not to get so pissed off about things that don't work out well for me. Also being just an iota more organized. I live in a sort of swirling vortex of chaos, and if I could at least rope that tornado and ride it, I could be much happier. And also exercising and eating more healthy--more healthy largely meaning "not eating seconds." If I run like I used to back in college, I could eat some awful things and never notice it on my body...for now at least. Might as well enjoy the 20's metabolism while I have it, yeah?
I've been what I would consider "an adult" for a few years now, but I'm really only just now starting to realize what that means for me. Like, I'm renting a house, and I have a 9-5 (not really those hours, but still) job, and it's all sort of dawning on me this year that I'm, like, an adult.
I think this revelation comes to me because one of my friends just had a baby, which is the next general milestone that people my age hit, which my friends just did. And that weirds me out. Nearly all of my friends are parents now. That's just...a strange thing to realize. A sort of shifting of my perception of reality. Similar to when I noticed that all of that nostalgic media that's being dredged up now is from my childhood--the late 80's and early 90's--and not the stuff my parents. Like, people my age hold jobs in positions of power enough to influence the structure of the national media. Good God. Terrifying.
This revelation also hit me because I have another set of friends that are about to graduate with their master's degrees. They're looking into what one of them described as a "grown-up job." They're looking at things like benefits and getting a new car and moving out of their apartment and at least renting a house. They're where I was just a few years ago.
To have people at the stage just ahead of you, and people coming up just behind you, provides you with a good place to pause and think about where you are in life and take stock. It provides two interesting points of contrast and metrics to measure you're life: where you've been, where you may someday head, and where you are right now.
These are things that have been on my mind lately. I would apologize for putting such self-indulgent introspection on here, but since it is my blog, I'll continue to write whatever I want to. This is, after all, mostly for me.