Tuesday, October 13, 2015

Beware He Who Walks Behind the Rows

Over the weekend, my wife, my brother, and I went on an adventure.

For a few years now, my wife has wanted to go to a corn maze and a pumpkin patch. Two quintessentially autumnal experiences. Between bad timing, laziness, and lack of funds, though, we never got around to going.

That changed this year, however. My wife was determined to go to a corn maze. And because we live in a really nice area, there were several to choose from. I was only slightly disappointed that the maze we chose did not have "punkin chunkin'," but it did feature pig races. (We didn't actually see the pig races though because I live in the south and that kind of shit is HUGE down here.)

There was a sandbox that was filled with corn. It was cute to watch the kids romp and play in it, even if I was confused why anyone really cared. There were hay bales stacked on top of each other making a giant pyramid with a tunnel through it the kids could play in. There was a hay bale maze. There was live music. There were tractor wagon rides. There was also a petting zoo.

I like this guy because he was watching people walk to and fro in front of his pen and eventually he decided, "Fuck this noise, I'm taking a nap," and flopped his head to the side as shown above. He looks like he's enjoying that sun, too.

There was also this little tyke, who was just chilling on the stairs. I like to think she's surveying her kingdom. Like, "yes, I will rule all of this. Watch me."

There were also piglets. Look at this. LOOK AT THIS!!! DO YOU UNDERSTAND HOW CUTE THIS IS??? CAN YOU EVEN COMPREHEND???!!!

This was the pattern of the maze that we walked. There were actually two mazes. One a "mini maze" that was about an acre in size for the kids. The one we walked was about three miles worth of walking. It was several acres. It was gigantic. Fun, though.

This was my view for about two hours. We were actually surprisingly good at this. We wound up getting through the maze relatively quickly. We only got lost once where we wound up doubling back on ourselves, and that was literally at the last fork. If we'd taken the left instead of the right, we'd've been out. But we didn't listen to my wife because we were convinced the different colored ribbons we kept seeing a few rows away was the final section. It was not. It was, in fact, the mini maze.  Oops.

Of course, the entire time I was walking, I kept making Children of the Corn jokes. And The Stand jokes.

"We wants you, too, Malachi. He wants you, too."

We also stopped by the pumpkin patch to pick up a few pumpkins for jack-o-lanterns/roasted pumpkin seeds.

Speaking of: I need to make a pumpkin pie soon. Mmmmmm.

By the way, here's a baby pumpkin!

Isn't it cute? I totally saw a baby watermelon about the same size, but I didn't think to take a picture of it.

So that was our weekend adventure.